dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I want to be your penis for a week.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
