I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
