Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
