it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
