I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize