What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
