PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
