1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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