Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
