I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
