peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
