it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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