they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
