when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize