I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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