Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
