I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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