okay pat passed out under dana's car
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
