I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
