You work out of a Hotel?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
