WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
