You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
