garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
