She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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