I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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