now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
