the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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