It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
