You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
