I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
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I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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