at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
