Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Who died my cat blue again?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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