i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
