the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
