mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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