her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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