I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
