Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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