Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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