you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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