Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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