Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
