Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
