i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
