Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
