i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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