i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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