Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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