we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
