Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
