Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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