somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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