WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
