It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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