Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
