My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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