Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
