I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
