Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
