I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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