Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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