I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
