if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize