so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
