Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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